Turn it around

Vic Turns It Around 

Photo by William Ward

Vic always seemed to find himself in a rut.  He rarely felt happy.  He couldn't catch a break.  He focused on what went wrong in his life, not the things that worked well.

 

And mostly, he blamed it on his friend Tim.

 

Tim wallowed in the lifestyle where everybody was out to get him.  The world operated a vast conspiracy against him.  Nothing was ever Tim's fault.

 

Remember the lady who sued the fast-food conglomerate a few years ago because she spilled coffee on herself that was "too hot?"  She was Tim's role model!  The U.S. has about 6% of the world's population but 80% of the world's attorneys.  Tim loved to throw that fact around!

 

This mentality of living like the doormat for everyone else that Tim seemed to love so much, had rubbed off on Vic for years.  Until, finally, Vic decided he'd had enough.  He knew he needed to find some new friends, people who chose to live on the positive side of life.

 

That's when he met Tory, and his whole universe got turned around.

 

Tory loved life.  She embraced challenges, and even when she fell short, she took it as a chance to grow and learn.  Tory took responsibility for her decisions, and her sunny outlook reflected that calm confidence that Vic had been missing for so long.

 

Deciding to be happy and energized to make others happy is indeed a conscious choice.  It's the reason we're here.

 

It may be easier to live as a "Vic/Tim," but so much less fulfilling and meaningful.

 

Instead, put forth the effort to live in "Vic/Tory."  Make that choice every morning, and continue to choose happiness with every encounter, every day.  It may seem like a challenge at first, but soon it becomes a wonderful way of life.

 

Be well.

Eric

You've Got to See This

You've Got to See This

Photo by: Kate Ter Haar

To "follow your nose" means to meander, to move without any purpose or direction, to float lazily and carelessly, reacting to whatever you may encounter along the way.  What an easy way to live, wouldn't you say?

Easy?  Perhaps.  Desirable?  Absolutely not, and here's why.

The richest lives - the ones where people feel fulfilled and challenged and loved and inspired - do not meander aimlessly.  They have purpose.  They have direction.  They have a spot on the horizon that's theirs to seek and claim.

They have a vision, in other words.

Arnold Schwarzenegger once gave an interview in which he explained the importance to his career of having a vision.  He said, as a youngster growing up in Austria, that his drive to accomplish great things began by "seeing" himself at each stage of his life.  In his mind's eye, he saw himself as a world champion bodybuilder, then as a successful movie star, and yes, even as a major politician and office holder.

Arnold attributed his ability to achieve these remarkable milestones to the vision he cultivated as a teenager.  When you see it happen, you can make it happen, he told the interviewer.

Scripture tells us, "Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you."  We can interpret that to mean we should cultivate a vision for ourselves, grounded in faith and love, to propel and provide the underpinning of our relationships, our careers, even the quality of our lives.

Can you see a vision of your family at peace and in balance?

Can you see a vision of your marriage as a true partnership based on mutual love and respect?

Can you see a vision of your career where fulfillment and pride carry the day?

To get where you want to go, you need a map.  That applies to where you want to take your life, as well.  Your nose doesn't know how to get there.  Don't follow it.  Instead, see it in your mind.  Get a vision.

  

 Be Well,
 Eric

The Magic Jar

The Magic Jar

Photo by: Abdul Rahman

You may not know it to look at me now, but I used to operate with a constant undercurrent of rage, every day.  I used to go looking for things to set me off, Hulk-like, so that I could rant and roil and knock stuff around.

That's what made football the perfect sport for me to play.  It was officially sanctioned violence, which fed my id like a slab of freshly killed zebra feeds a hungry lion.

Naturally, the trouble came in controlling these impulses.  And, just as naturally, finding the right girl represented the first step toward that life-changing goal.

After having met briefly at a college fraternity party, I doggedly sought her out to spend more time with her.  She knew of my reputation as a hothead, and at first said she didn't want to go out.  But somewhere deep inside, where the truth lives, I knew she was the one.  So I didn't give up, and eventually we began our courtship.

Things changed for me after that.  Before long, she gave me a jar containing strips of Bible verses, and asked me to pick out a piece every day to read.  That exercise not only made me want to strengthen my connection with her, but it also began to open my eyes to a new way of thinking, believing, and living - one that had little room for rage and lashing out.  The timing could not have been better, as well, as my college football career came to crashing end due to injuries and subsequent surgery. 

That magic jar changed my life, serving up little slips of scripture day after day.  The heart changes first, then the brain.  Living based on love, not fear, makes all the difference.

Be well,

Eric

Stop Starting from the Wrong End

Stop Starting from the Wrong End

Photo by: Steven Depolo

 

Large, muscular, tattooed to the hilt, and draped all in leather, the

Harley-riding Chopper Dude cut quite an imposing figure."This 

is bull!" he all but shouted, standing up and pointing a finger in my 

face during a local workshop.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I respect your thoughts and
 invite you to stay with me a little longer," I replied, concentrating
 to keep my voice level and my emotions in check.  "I'm glad
 you're here.  Please stay and hear me out, and I would be happy
to talk more with you one-to-one afterward."

After the room had emptied and everyone had left for home, he ambled back inside, and closed the door.  We just looked at each other for what seemed an interminable amount of time.  Then, just as I was about to speak, the most amazing thing happened.

Chopper Dude began to cry.  And I mean he wept like he had never wept before.  Between gasping sobs, he tried to say what had affected him so deeply that evening.  In time, as he gained control of himself, it became clear.

"I never had somebody not judge me for what I thought before," he said.

Parents, teachers, bosses, and peers had nearly destroyed this man's entire sense of self-worth - because they never appreciated his starting point.  The place where his value truly rested.  They were doing everything backward, as this society is prone to do.

Most of us have been misguided, believing that we can change our lives by simply thinking differently.  We start from the premise that change begins by applying logic - and that's the wrong end at which to start.

No, change truly and only can begin with the unconscious mind, the mind that defers to the more basic - meaning the place that serves as the base, the foundation, of everything else - part of our being.  The place that people call the "gut."

To achieve lasting, meaningful, tangible change toward greater balance and happiness in your life, you have to deal with this unconscious level first.  And this is where a lifetime of negative conditioning must be reversed.  Let's stop doing things backward.

Be well 

No Day, But Today

No Day, But Today

Photo by: mary a (flickr: emdot)

We have a tendency to make living day-to-day way too complicated, when the essence of happiness, peace, balance, and joy remains - always - in plain view, and it's so simple.

Will you live based on love, or based on fear?                                         

That's what Scripture says, all through the Old and New Testaments.  That's where the central messages of all major religions agree.  That's what wise philosophers and spiritual gurus have held to be true for centuries.

Living a love-based life means accepting yourself and others.  Seeing the good, the positive, the hopeful in every person, every circumstance, every possibility.  It means holding onto a faith in something bigger than yourself, and using that faith as the springboard to a happy life, free from undue, unhelpful, and unnecessary anxiety.  It lets you live each day fresh, with a happy and grateful heart.

Living a life based on fear, naturally, produces the opposite effects.  Fear steals hope, and when there's no hope, there can be no peace.

The movie version of the Broadway hit "Rent" featured a song that conveys these ideas in a powerful way.  Here is a portion of the lyrics:

There's only us, there's only this

Forget regret, or life is yours to miss

No other path, no other way

No day but today

I can't control my destiny

I trust my soul, my only goal is just to be 

There's only now, there's only here

Give in to love or live in fear

No other path, No other way

No day but today  

Make this day all that it can be.  Give in to love, don't live in fear.

Be well,

Eric

Your Words Become Your Reality

Your Words Become Your Reality

  

Center for Victory has made trips to Kenya for the past few years, working with adults and young people there to help them grow spiritually and emotionally as they work to improve the quality of their lives. On our most recent trip, however, we suddenly found ourselves forced to live out the principles we had been discussing - and this test truly tested all of us.

  

 

The hotel where we stayed looked and felt nothing like how it had been advertised. It was less a hotel than a hovel, with poor service and sub-par food. None of our group had been very impressed - not that we expected a five-star resort, but even with moderate expectations, we felt disappointed and perhaps a little apprehensive.

While at breakfast the second morning of our stay, the hotel manager walked over to our group and unceremoniously evicted us from the hotel. He offered no explanation, nor permitted any dialogue with us. He wouldn't even let us pay. It was a matter of "Get out, now, and never come around here again."

Suffice it to say, we were flabbergasted. And not only that, we were suddenly without a place to stay, eat, or conduct our program.

Now, despite all of the ideas and strategies concerning living a life of victory that we had been sharing with our Kenyan friends the day before, when we got kicked out of our hotel, I'm sorry to admit that some of us in the group did not exactly practice what we had been preaching. It became instinctive for all of us to become anxious, frightened, angry, confrontational, and emotional - and it started to affect other members of the group, as well as the guards who were there to protect us.

Clearly, something had to be done to alter the trajectory we had begun to follow. The story had to change. So, I went up to a guard and said, "It's going to be all right," and the anxiety was released.

Our group started praying in the street, singing together, as people from the neighborhood joined the circle. Even a dog joined us. Before long, we learned that a hotel down the street was able to take all of us in - offering ample rooms, a conference center, and much better quality of food than we had been served at the first hotel. The dog followed us to the new facility, too, and became our mascot for the trip. 

  

There was no panic, even though we might have been headed that way. As the leader of this group, the one responsible, and the person others counted on to figure things out and set an example, I refused to become nervous or upset. I just kept saying, "We'll figure it out. It's going to be okay."

And by responding to the situation calmly and speaking positively, not reacting in an emotional or violent way, it did turn out okay. This episode, perhaps more clearly and undeniably than any other in recent memory, proved that what you think - and the language you use to share your thoughts - becomes your reality.

  

Be Well,

Eric Guy

Two Wolves

Teflon and Velcro 

Photo by: Janice Yuvallos

Photo by:Thoma

Velcro works great.  Adapted from nature, Velcro can grab hold and not let go.  It's an amazing invention that's performed well and reliably.

The same thing could be said for Teflon.  The polar opposite function of Velcro, Teflon lets 
thing slide right off of it.  No resistance at all.  Just zip!  And it's gone.So why do I offer these observations about two consumer products?  Because they have
 direct and precise correlations to how our minds work - and how our minds work controls the quality of our lives.

Say you've had a wonderful day.  No traffic on the way into work.  The boss calls you in and says you've been promoted with a nice raise to come.  You get home and take the family out to a great dinner at a fancy restaurant.  Then you walk back to the car, only to find that you've been hit with a $200 parking ticket and a flat tire.

What do you obsess about?  What sticks in your head?  What turns into Velcro?  The parking ticket and the flat tire.  What slides right off?  What becomes Teflon?  The happy day that preceded all the trouble.

Experts estimate that we spend 85% of our waking moments focused on negative self-talk.  It's easy to chalk that up to "human nature," but I strongly disagree.  We always have a choice about what we permit our minds to cling to or let slide off.  The truest definition of "human nature" is that we are created for abundance, happiness, and love-based relationships.

It reminds me of a fable.  One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.  He said, "My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The other is Good - It is peace, love, hope, humility, compassion, and faith. "The grandson thought about this for a while and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" To which the wise old man simply replied, "The one you feed."


You can choose to let positive thoughts become the Velcro of your mind.  The ones that stick.  The negative stuff can slide, Teflon-like, right off.  Feed the good wolf.   

Be Well,

Eric

Putting the Treat in Retreat

Putting the Treat in Retreat 

Photo by: John (flickr: Puzzler4879)

Sometimes you just have to get away.   

Whether it's leaving the office for a walk around the block, going on a family vacation, or taking a long drive just following your nose, everyone needs the refreshing release of time away.

Then there's the special spirit achieved through a retreat.

Retreats take on a different flavor than simply offering a way to get some distance between you and the daily grind.  While it's true that a well-crafted retreat does mean reducing the boil of a hectic, overburdened and stressful life to a more easily handled simmer, it goes a little further.  While a retreat does lower the volume and settle the brainwaves, bringing a greater sense of calm and peace, it doesn't stop there.

A valuable retreat - as it performs the expected duty of bringing relaxation - at the same time engages your mind, taking advantage of this time of calm and clearer thinking, to open you up to the possibility of new ideas and new behaviors.

The best retreats expand your life, even as they expunge the things that have been holding you back.  It's a remarkable blending of thoughts, experiences, and outcomes.  And it all starts with your mind, applying a willingness to explore, understanding your story and thinking of ways to shift it toward a healthier attitude - one based on a foundation of love, not fear.

The philosopher Bertrand Russell once famously said, "Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so."  Unfortunately, he was right.  What a waste.  What a shame.  But what an opportunity to instead do it right.

How you think determines how you live.  Give your mind a well-deserved rest and a well-earned jump-start.  Think about taking a Center for Victory retreat.  The rest of your life will thank you. 

Be Well,

Eric

SAVE THE DATE!  CFV 2014 Spring Retreat    Are you ready to take that time you need to retreat and recharge?     We invite you to join us this spring to experience the life-changing and empowering Center For Victory Retreat.  It's a time of rest, renewal and refreshing that you won't want to miss!     Tentative Dates:  Thursday, May 8 - Saturday May 10, 2014   Location: Pittsburgh, PA   *To learn more about CFV Retreats: Click Here for Retreat Website Page Click Here for Retreat Sample Brochure    *If you are interested in attending this retreat or hosting one please contact us at:  customerservice@centerforvictory.com

Leave that "D" Behind

 Leave that "D" Behind 

  

Photo By: Jiva

Up here in the Northeast, winter can be a cruel old codger.

Most seasons, we don't get a walloping huge snow dump all at once.  That would be tough enough to cope with.

No, instead we get an inch one day, then two inches the next day, then another inch the day after that.  It's those day-after-day increments that start to wear on you after a while.  The snow never seems to go away.  It's the relentlessness of it that bothers people.

The same thing happens in our relationships, the decisions we make and the actions we take.

Studies have shown that anger can remain in our minds and our emotional makeup for up to five days.  In other words, once you get angry, it can take five days for that boil to come back down to a simmer.

Think about that.  You may tell yourself, "Well, I usually only get mad once or twice a week."  But even at that pace, the anger never truly subsides.  It's like that day-after-day snowfall.  The anger never goes away, it never leaves you, either at the psychological or physiological level.  Simply put, even if you only get angry once or twice a week, that still means you are always angry.

Who would choose to live like that?

The message here is not that it's always bad to express anger.  Sometimes that's the most appropriate response.  But realizing the overlapping effect of repeated bursts of anger - even when they seemingly occur far apart - should cause us to consider the effects, and whether alternative options should be pursued.

The trick is to look inward.  Try to minimize the impact of external sources of stress.  The only person you can truly control and influence consistently is you.  The decisions you make about how to react to external impulses affect you most directly. 

It only takes one letter to go from "anger" to "danger."  Leave that "D" behind.

Be Well,

Eric 

Goodbye If Only's, Hello 2014!

 If Only 

  

It's the oldest trick in the book. 

Photo By: Jeff Van Campen

"If only I had (fill in the blank), then I could be happy."

More money.  Better friends.  A bigger house.  A nicer car.  A boss who wasn't such a jerk.  Kinder neighbors.  The list is endless - and for a very good reason.

None of those external things can ever fix the real problem.  The one in the mirror.

By looking outward, by constantly and exclusively blaming other people or things or circumstances for your troubles, you're only delaying the chance for any real, meaningful, lasting improvement and growth.

Your biggest issue - and, at the same time, your biggest chance to get lifted up to a better life - is you.  People typically don't like to hear this sort of truth-telling.  It's so much easier to point fingers, cast blame, and complain about the unfairness of it all.

Well, here's some more tough love - life's not fair.  But when you take personal responsibility for your actions, your attitude, your confidence, your willingness to sacrifice for other people's benefit, and your decision to take control of your own story, life doesn't need to be "fair" anymore. 

Instead, it can become a place where you can at last be comfortable in your own skin.  Where the issue of "fairness" becomes a non-issue, because fairness by its very definition requires that you constantly compare yourself with others.  There's no need for that.  There's no benefit to that.  There's no time for that.

Take stock of your strengths, and build on them.  Appreciate the sources of love and hope and joy in your life, and cherish and protect them.  See what - or who - is dragging you down, and get away from them.  Life's too short to be anything but happy.

The person in the mirror would agree.  Have an honest talk with him or her.  You'll see.  Then adopt the changes to make and keep that happiness front and center in this new year.

  

Be Well,

~Eric

Thank You!

Thank You! 

2013 KENYA TRIP

"Promoting Healing: Transforming 

the Inside to Champion the Outside"

 

Just wanted to take a moment to express our gratitude for all the thoughts, prayers, donations, and well wishes from our recent trip to Kenya.  It was a huge success once again this year.  We were able to add an additional person to the team, offer more days of training, and impact almost 6,000 kids.  We've included some pictures and testimonials from some of the participants to give you a glimpse of some of the things we had the privilege of experiencing.  Thank you again for all your support. It is greatly appreciated. We have tentatively set another trip for Kenya next November.  So, if you are interested in being part of the next group, please give us a call or email.  

 Here are some testimonies from some of the participants' experiences of the training: 

- "Since I started this session, my life has changed so much because right now I am revived.  I truly understand what these children go through in their lives.  I am in a better position to handle them in a better way now.  I have lived in hatred but now I feel so much love within me."

- "I now understand the importance of children needing to feel loved and appreciated.  I will always let them come closer and closer to me, when they are good or bad.  I will also let them be encouraged to feel free to express their feelings, share their experiences and their wants, needs, and desires. Never again will I forget to embrace them and tell them of their importance."

 

- "It has been a great thing to have this training at this moment that we direly need to help the vulnerable children we work with.  It has been a healing process and an eye opener to me and this will be passed on to the entire community that I deal with."

- "What doesn't kill you will definitely make you stronger. This turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened in my life.  I am now stronger than ever and ready to better serve the children.  I have received unconditional love and I wish life would be like this always.  Thank you Eric and team."

 

Once again, thank you and may you experience a wonderful holiday and Happy New Year!

 

Be Well,

~Eric