The Witness of 'Preacher'

The Witness of 'Preacher'

Photo By:Matthew Montgomery

We've all heard of people who suffer true physical and emotional abuse, then somehow escape it, but end up back in new relationships where the same behaviors come around again to hurt them as before. 

Why do people get stuck in these same cycles?  Any logical assessment would say to get out of there and stay out, but the victim mentality becomes engrained and imprinted emotionally.

"Preacher" was the nickname of a verbose young teenager whose behavior, language, and record of lashing out got him institutionalized, where he was regularly restrained.  Years ago as a counselor at the same facility, I got tired of dealing with this situation. 

It reached the point where, finally, I told him I was not going to wrestle him and hurt myself.  I said to Preacher one day, "If you want to be restrained, just get on the ground yourself" - and he did, without another word said.

No physical contact, no struggle, no battling or grappling.  Preacher had been so conditioned that he associated restraint with connection to another person who might care to hear, contemplate, understand, and act with compassion based on his story.  All I had to do was suggest it, and he complied.  It was stunning.

All Preacher wanted was connection.  The only way he knew to get it was to act out.  We went through this same unusual process two or three more times until we arrived at a place where we could talk calmly, sitting down, like regular people.

Our society can be so strange, I would say even illogical.  The story of victimhood we heap upon each other lingers and festers until it legitimately becomes your story in your mind - a story that takes determined effort and help to escape, clearing the way for a new, more positive and accurate story, to appear.

Grab hold of your personal story, and if you don't like where it leads, decide today to change it.  You have that power.  You have that voice.  You have that responsibility.  Preacher finally realized this, and it changed his life for the better.

~Eric